Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

Welcome to a new episode of Max and Molly podcast where we are using conversation as a healing tool. 

Following a suggestion from a listener, today's topic is self-doubt. This is very close to something that we discussed previously, negative self-talk. However, on this occasion, we are going to consider it from a different perspective. 

Online there are a few quotes on this topic but... How do you deal with self-doubt? Can you catch yourself doubting of your own abilities? Listen to our podcast and let us have your feedback.

If you would like to talk directly in relation to your personal challenge with this topic, contact us on info@360max.co.uk 

Transcript

Molly 0:00


Max Romeo 0:02
Welcome everybody to another episode. Hi everybody,

Molly 0:05
we're back, Max and Molly, doing the podcast.

Max Romeo 0:10
Okay guys, today we introduced a new topic we talk about self-doubt.

Molly 0:20
Yes, that is a familiar topic to most people

Max Romeo 0:24
and to us too. The inspiration for today's topic comes from one of our listeners so we receive a few very interesting comments about the last three or four episodes, in particular, the episode about negative self-talk. Yeah, so someone, in particular, decided to mention that there is a particular angle that they would like us to talk about, and is self-doubt. So most of us experience self-doubt on a daily basis I will say even I do on a daily basis.

Molly 0:58
It could range from going on an interview, and it's fantastic. I'm not good enough to get that job. to get I doubt if I can get it, and that winding yourself up with that language and conversation in your head, brings in the element of self-doubt is like a weakness,

Max Romeo 1:18
but also I think it starts from, from the very first moment in which you wake up in the morning you look yourself in the mirror, like oh God, I  can’t do this, oh my god look at me, look, I'm a mess. Nowadays, in particular, when I look at myself in the mirror, considering I didn't see a barber for four months I say to myself “oh, I can’t do this. And I'm still doubting myself that I don't look good enough. Yeah, but he's really what do you decide to do with this self-doubt, you can decide to leave it there, and allow the self-doubt to trigger your day, or just let it go,

Molly 1:58
or just be mindful of what you're saying to yourself, because, you know, if okay for instance if you leave it there and not do anything, it's more likely that you'll be dealing with chronic self-doubt. And, it'll get worse. So at some point, you have to observe what you're thinking about what you're saying to yourself. See you can change the script.

Max Romeo 2:21
Yeah, exactly because what self-doubt is in you know simple words, this isn't his decision is just indecision between two elements before they started to disbelieve yourself, or the say to believe in yourself. So you can decide to wake up in the morning and say, ah, Fine. Y'all come on I look okay yeah I'm happy with it all decided to lower your moods more and more and say, Oh, my gosh. Look at that monster over there in front of me. So again, this is your conscious choice to decide to allow self-doubt when you are not,

Molly 2:59
you know, a question that you can ask yourself when all these self doubting images or conversations, come up in your head, you can say, is it true?? Yeah, question that voice. Is it true??. Is that really what I believe??.

Max Romeo 3:19
And if the answer is just a negative, negative feeling so you don't have a positive word for yourself. That's a trigger. That means that you definitely have a challenge there that you need to face because your, your self-talk is too negative, you're not gonna get anything positive out of that,

Molly 3:37
and then you might want to look at who has that same issue as you if it's negative self if it's self-doubt. Who did you grow up around yourself or what kind of friends do you have while you're black hole that doubts the muscles that you can hear that familiar tone in their voice when they speak about themselves. And then you can possibly identify where you get it from what do you, how you feel when you hear that person outside of yourself your friend, talking in that way. How does he feel about them talking that way? She couldn't understand, possibly how it feels inside, and how you feel about yourself inside. When you speak about them.

Max Romeo 4:23
Yeah because self-doubt is, is, is triggered by a lack of confidence, and that's the biggest challenge that you have there because you think you're not good enough about something or your skills are not good enough. And that creates a negative self talk to mention something that we discussed in previous episodes that triggers more and more and more and negative feeling,

Molly 4:47
and you go, you go into a spiral so the main thing that you want to do is to look at your confidence levels, and have the ability to listen to yourself really do that deep listening, when you're when you want to buy yourself a new dress and you got to pick up a really sexy dress or whatever pair trousers shoes. What are you saying to yourself about that? She's often sometimes, you know, I go to the shop, and I see a really fantastic so I'm gonna buy it and I buy it and everything, and they come home. And then, a few months later I'm thinking, American get into that dress. You know why did they buy it, you know obviously a waste of money and I doubt myself so much that I don't even try to put the dress on. Yeah. You know, I mean, I just stopped myself so that could be a self-sabotage patent as well. So there's a lot of things that you have to be looking at, but basically people, you have to watch what your mind is telling you and speaking to you, quietly. Yeah, you have

Max Romeo 5:56
to listen to yourself and listen to what you're actually saying to yourself listen to the tone. Are you being nice to yourself? Are you being confrontational? What is the wall that you're choosing to use with yourself? Something that I was thinking is that some of my clients keep comparing themselves to a friend of them or, I don't know twist celebrity, so they keep saying oh I'm, uh you know you could play in tennis. I'm not as good as Michael, something that they're noticing as well as when, in particular when we have people that are really focused directly on the see the big picture on the end, they look at the very end like okay that's the result. They actually lose track of the current situation. And that's also a bigger problem because comparing yourself to someone else in particular when it comes to abilities is not always the best choice because we're different people.

Molly 7:00
Once you compare yourself to somebody that's doing extremely well. You then brigade bring in the self dup, can I get there. Will I be able to get there. How did they get there? I'm not as good as them, maybe an, it just opens the door for all this negative spiral to come back in. So just be where you are in your soul, if you've got chronic self-doubt, go and see a professional, obviously, but the self-doubt that we're talking about can be managed through being mindful of what you're saying to yourself in the situation.

Max Romeo 7:42
I think another situation where self-doubt is a big problem is when we believe that we don't deserve a certain outcome or happiness in general. So I have to admit that this happened to me. If I noticing that a cleanse is a bit more challenging. There is the self-doubt that comes up and say, Are you good enough to do this or not, you're not you could Max, you can do this. You know the results that are maybe we are the clients are saying, Yes, I am good enough, the client is here, but there is a part of me that is trying to out to sabotage the situation and you say, No, you're not good enough. Don't go there.

Molly 8:24
So what do you do in those instances?

Max Romeo 8:27
I have a drink.

Molly 8:30
Okay, or a cup of coffee? (Laughing)

Max Romeo 8:34
Yes, she's making this joke about a cup of coffee because today I'm a little bit high on coffee.

Molly 8:38
Oh my goodness, he's had full cups of coffee and he's been like the Energizer Bunny around here. It's amazing to see him.

Max Romeo 8:46
So no, well, what do I do? I stopped myself. And I think, and this is where I think we should give some, you know, small tools because what I personally do is to listen to myself, and I literally stopping that particular segmenting. Okay. What are you doing here? Are you saying that you're not good enough? So why the client is here, if you're not good enough, look better. Record your results. Yeah, save the results are good. Why are you doubting yourself? Let's say that you deliver a particular task. And it's the same task that you have done two times before successfully. You had amazing results the client is happy. There are Reviews on Google, Facebook about it and everyone is really happy, and then clients number five comes in is a little bit more challenging. I don't know it can be the way in which he speaks so it can be something is behaviorally extremely is putting you in a negative mindset and you start doubting yourself. You have to stop yourself and think, listen, client 123 and four they were very happy. Why are you doing this to yourself? But, and that's the trigger. It's very important to listen to yourself are clearly as we said, but in Mali is the best of these. Write down your thoughts. Because using writing as a healing tool is something we discussed again in the past but is a very simple way to write down exactly what's going on through your mind.

Molly 10:17
So if you're in a situation of self-doubt, you just write down all the things that coming up. And you see where you are. And then, from that, you see where you need to get to. Okay, I'm here right now I'm feeling not good enough to, I need to get to where I'm feeling confident about myself. Good enough. And I'll be able to do that. And just sit down. Think of all the ways that you've done that previously, and what you can do to get yourself there. It's gonna take you probably 20 minutes of focus concentration or go into meditation and clear your mind.

Max Romeo 10:55
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Okay, to recap what we discussed today we decided to choose the topic of self-doubt. The reason why we decided to choose is that self-doubt is standing it triggers us on a daily basis. And basically, we have to make the decision between struggling with self-doubt or letting go. The reason why self-doubt happens is usually that there is a lack of confidence, or we get lost. When we have to focus on the big picture, all for example because we believe that we, we don't deserve a particular outcome like happiness or promotion or something else, it depends what's the goal for the day or in that particular project way to overcome. First of all, listen to yourself. Listen, actively to yourself, not just what you say, but also the way in which you say it. If listening is not good enough, is not giving you any positive outcome, then write down your thoughts, we suggested this before, when we did the episode on writing as a healing tool for I think is potentially another good opportunity for you to understand more about yourself.

Molly 12:12
Perhaps you could use journaling, or a diary just write down your thoughts of what came up today about self-doubt, how am I doubting myself today. What did I doubt myself in doing today,

Max Romeo 12:29
and just write down the feelings and, and the actual experiences that you're doubting yourself in any contract.

Molly 12:37
Exactly, exactly.

Max Romeo 12:38
You can again go back and read your thoughts and be mindful. This is how you talk about yourself. You have just listened to another episode of matrimony podcast, don't forget to join us next week for a new episode, thank you very much for listening.